Excerpts from a Diary

How to Cope with a Menial Job!

You and everyone that knows you and loves you enough to tolerate your endless tirades about how much you hate your job and the meaningless existence you have come to accept as your life, knows that you only took the job to pay the bills, and as soon as you find something else you will be the first one out of the door. So for the next three years, or until you find that executive spot in the Fortune 500 company of your dreams, these guidelines should serve as your holy grail in Coping with Your Menial Job.

1. Put aside thoughts of mass killings and suicide. Court, settlement and funeral costs will be too high a price to pay for your mood swings. Going postal on your co-workers will not make up for the years of debt that your family will experience after your rampage.
2. Remove and destroy your check record book. There is no reason why you should remain yourself on a daily basis of how broke you are. At this point you are and will always be in debt and a little reckless spending is in order.
3. If your spouse/live-in girlfriend/boyfriend or baby mama (no, the one you live with) makes more money that you do. Re-evaluate the direction that your relationship(s) has taken in the past few months. If you perceive that there is/will be/couldn’t possibly be future in it then move out and back in with your mother, and file for alimony, palimony or back rent.
4. Start selling office supplies on Ebay. Now, how you come by said office supplies are strictly up to you.* (see Disclaimer)
5. Exhaust sick leave, personal and mental/health days, vacation and bereavement days within the same month. This will take some crafty maneuvering and the convenient death of a close relative. (see Disclaimer)
6. Conduct all personal and business calls at the office.
7. Purchase a pair of bedroom slippers for the office. If you are going to be unhappy you might as well get comfortable while you do it.
8. Convert last drawer of file cabinet to mini bar and indulge at 3 hour intervals.
9. Decline office meetings as often as possible, duck out early during conferences and take extended lunch breaks -you may consider adopting a smoking habit to allow yourself that time away from the office as well.
10. Hire an assistant. Your job will not appear to be so menial if you have an underling to trample on
    
    
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posted by Onika @ 2:23 PM