Excerpts from a Diary

Buddy-Boy-Friend

I figured I would fill this out whilst I could. For the better part of a year I have been experiencing significant blows to my self-confidence. What started off as subtle reminders that “I am not the shit” have evolved into full-fledged notices that “I am not even worth the pound of flesh that I am encased in.

Needless to say, my few bouts with the opposite sex have left a lot more to be desired but explains the near fatal damage my ego and sex life has encounter. Recently, not even an hour ago I was told by my pillow pal that he was no longer interest in my pussy flavor. He would much rather pursue a life of celibacy than have to endure my moaning through the midnight hour.

“So long booty call!”
“Hello, IVIBE!”

I am not even going to going to pretend like men are the root of all evil. Not going to pretend like my self-esteem wasn’t hanging on by a thread and a prayer from the years of neglect and ego-stroking friends and their constant “He don’t know what he is missing out on” hasn’t left me so twisted up that I can’t even wipe my own ass without getting some in my hair.

It isn’t men. Let me be the first on to admit it because even if I were on this planet alone I would find some way to manipulate my own psyche with some BS.

As much as I gripe I have no qualms with any woman that has a pillow pal on the sidelines. But when your “dick on retainer” becomes your permanent fix and your stand-in for the lunch room gossip about “boyfriends” during break there is a problem that needs to be addressed. Although some women like it like that.

I haven’t seen a boyfriend in 3 ½ years, and I would not know what to do with myself if I had one. I am convinced that I am going through a selfish faze that should occupy me for the next three years.

Are women supposed to relinquish, discard or share their porno collection upon entering a “relationship”? Maybe this will be the quandary I offer up to Ricki Lake when she comes one to offer her “sisterly” advice after another one of her well-edited scandals are aired during the week. Better yet, someone call Howard Stern.

posted by Onika @ 3:33 PM