Excerpts from a Diary

Nightmarish Preoccupations

I have been having nightmares for the past two days. It is always the same storyline. The end of the world as we know it and somehow I am placed in charge of saving my hide as well as a few others. I don’t think of myself as a team player, I don’t think I have ever been involved in a group activity that did not end in some level of frustration for me. I work better alone but I do enjoy the company of others as long as our projects are not directly linked.

I think what really bothers me is that I don’t have any reason not to believe my nightmares. I can definitely see bombs falling from the sky and everything that I have become familiar with over the past three years disintegrating before me. I don’t know why people here don’t see the reality of such an instance occurring in their lifetime or in their neighborhoods. What of those poor souls that went to bed on night in the Middle East and woke up under rubble or did not wake up at all. Forget the politics of their death, I don’t think killing men, women and children from the sky and then marching in to finish the job can ever be justified but the reality of their situation is just unbearable.

I have not been watching the news for obvious reasons but sometimes I am caught off guard and a random news report gets filtered into my cartoons, and I am hooked. I found out about the earthquake yesterday evening in Indonesia. This morning in the Star Ledger there was a picture of a man with his child on his back running. Running where? My heart went out to them and soon there will be a call for what is in my wallet. Feed the hungry. No one can be blamed for the suffering that those people must endure but in a world where we can clone ourselves I would think someone will spend a couple million on something a little more live saving, we will never lose the ability to reproduce, the real trouble is keeping those of us here, here.

I don’t know what my preoccupation is lately with death and dying but I have been giving my own demise a lot of thought and I am really worried about the mess that I will leave behind. In part it is not something I really want to think about right now but my unconscious self always finds a way back to it and I wake up worried that somehow in my sleep I missed the beginning of the end.

posted by Onika @ 10:25 AM