Excerpts from a Diary

Dating or Something Like It II

I ventured into the dating scene and recoiled from it. There is something disturbing about dressing and garnish-ing my assets like some kind of holiday ham and presenting myself to a total stranger. "Am I appetizing enough for you baby?"

I can't imagine myself doing this over and over again in the hopes of finding a good man much less one that I believe to be my match! I am not sure that I can do this online dating thing either. How scary is it that in a profile about yourself those things that you lie to yourself about become fact. True attributes of your personality and published for others to see.

I came across this profile online while browsing and found it interesting enough to post. A guy in my age bracket and considered an 89% match for me wrote this about himself:

He's wanted in several states for being a hopeless romantic. He's very spontaneous. He's been known to make it a blockbuster night or jet off to exotic travel destinations on a whim. We have received tips that he's currently in the New York City area.

What makes these self-assessments accurate? I would hate to get all dressed up, with my good pants and best earrings on to go out with Mr. Spontaneous and find out at dinner that he chews with his mouth open, or bites his fingernails. I can deal with a man that has kids or is on parole. Those kinds of issues/problems/concerns can been addressed before we go out on a date, before I commit a night out of my life to spend with him.

There were still others that thought pretty well of themselves. Some were funny and interested while others left me wondering. When it came to my own evalutation I had to break my profile into my likes and dislikes, I thought that was the best way to describe myself without setting someone up for disappointments or assumptions.

Well-educated and intelligent. Reliable.

I am a straight forward person very clean very sexy, smart...

I went out with this guy that did not like to wear underwear. Although it was a good conversation starter and good for him, the idea that there was nothing but a piece of cotton between my stuffed shrimp, the rest of the world, me and his dangling participle (Oscar) was too much. I got halfway through my first shrimp and had to stop.

I can't deal with the I-am-a-successful-businessman types either. Considering that I am neither an investor nor a client, the fact that you make $xxx,xxx is not going to make my head spin any faster if you are a toe-tapping, open-mouth-chewing, nose-picking-in-public freakazoid. I have sat inside a Jaguar, BMW and Mercedes speeding off to some fancy restaurant or fun time but none of it compares to the sound of my buddy-boy-friend's red Chevy rumbling into my driveway, or the smell of my first boyfriend's "Clunk".

I have found that a lot of the men that I have reviewed online have quote honesty as one of they best attributes, but isn't that like saying you type 60wpm in an interview or that you know a little Spanish when you only got up to Spanish II in high school? Me llamo es...

My girlfriend is having a lot more fun with Match.com than I am. My curiosity in the opposite sex found on that site had dwindled. The reality that we are all in this dating supermarket and our cans are still on the shelves after 5, 10, 15 years is not comforting. I don't want to be a SBF (single, black female) seeking a SM (single male) btw 23-35 year old. That is not what I want, that is not my profile, not my personality in a nutshell, I don't fall into the Sensual dating category, I don't like strawberries and whip cream (fact is I am allergic to strawberries) I don't like long walks (I don't think anyone I know enjoys walking for long periods of time, in this day and age is it still considered exercise?). I don't dinner by candlelight or roses with stuffed animals or wine. Give me fuzzy socks and a sandwich in a brown paper bag anyday. I am not about creating the illusion of romance according to Hollywood. Breakfast in bed is not practical, spending over $100 on lace underwear only to have it thrown on the floor is not worth it to me. Where are all the men that like wife-beaters and sweats on a woman, or who prefer bare feet over heels and wrestle on Friday nights after a movie?

I don't like the concept of advertising me for a computer to determine a suitable match based on the often inaccurate self-assessments of people who are near their dating expiration dates.

posted by Onika @ 8:59 PM